*poof!* ... gone

How does that prayer go again..."Lord, grant me the courage..." Hm. Ah, found it. Where on earth would we be without the google function! So here it is, by my favourite saint, St. Francis of Assisi

"Lord grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can, and
the wisdom to know the difference."

Indeed this week has been a tough one. My Macbook hard disk crashed and *poof!*...in an instant all of my work that hadn't been backed-up over the past couple of months since I last backed-up my hard disk...shattered into a million little bytes and pieces (pun intended!).

For those of you who have a Mac, I'm sure you're familiar with that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach when you try to start up your Mac, and after EONS of waiting, all you get is a grey screen and a ghastly folder in the middle, blinking...with a question mark on it. Oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

When I brought my Macbook to the repair shop, the prospects were not good. Yet, there was a chance that the data might still be salvagable, so...I kept hoping, while also bracing myself for the reality of having lost a lot of hard work. Not to mention having to explain to those I owe work to that I will need even more time to finish. Ayayayay!

After four days in the shop, I got my Macbook back. Poor Nova had to go back and forth to the store to pick it up, but my hopes were high because I was told that the data had been salvaged. Oh joy! I thought to myself. OH NOOOOO! I screamed in my head again, when I saw what the data looked like. When explaining it to a friend, I said it was like my hard disk had been cut up into pieces like words and pictures for a scrapbook. "So now you have a SCRAPDISK!" she said...and made me smile inside for the first time in a week. Thanks, Du!

So now I've had my Macbook back for three days. I've looked at the data, tried to figure it out, but most if it is...indeed... scrap. I have a hard disk containing data that I backed up a few months ago, but I haven't even had the courage to check it. I'm worried that it won't contain the things that I need most, or find the most important. Photos, stories, addresses, emails, and...and...and...

Breathe, Budhsi, breathe...!

But I have also used this time to reflect on what it is that is important. In many ways, what happened to my Macbook mirrors how I've felt these past few months. Running non stop, and yes, even running on empty. It's been a crazy, hectic, exhausting time...and in many ways, what was keeping me more or less 'together' was the comfort of having my Macbook be somewhat organized with what I had to do and what I've already done.

Then it crashed. And so did I.

Which brings me to a prayer that was inspired by St. Francis', a variation by an unknown author:

"God grant me the serenity
to accept the people I cannot change,

the courage to change the one I can,

and the wisdom to know it's me."

When I realized my hard disk had died, all I could think of was how upset I was at the person who had disconnected the external hard drive connected to my Macbook without ejecting it first, causing it to freeze, and ultimately to crash. I put the blame on that person, and was quite furious inside for a while. At the same time, I also questioned if it really was entirely someone else's fault? Hmm.

And then I came upon the prayer above, and I think I've found the answer.