Inner Strength

A close and dear friend is in need of healing. As I quietly listened to the voice on the other end of my cellphone, I felt the pain of my friend's broken heart searing into my own; awakening memories of times past when I had felt my own heart break when I finally faced the reality of the end of a relationship I thought was "the one". When reality bites, it bites hard and is often unexpected. And one is often left crumpled in a heap on the ground, convinced that nothing in the world will be able to help one stand up again.

Clearly shaken, my friend's voice was soft ... yet through the sobs I could also hear the howling of pain that only deep loss and despair can cause. Knowing too well how that feels, I wished that I had the ability to wave a magic wand and make it all go away. At the same time, I know that this friend will have to make the journey on his own and all we can really do is be there to give support when the waves of pain come crashing again.

I remember that in my case, the feeling was akin to falling down a deep and dark well. It took me many months to finally hit rock bottom, and when I did, my father said to me that what I needed to do was to believe that despite everything that had happened my inner strength would carry me through. It did. I finally realized that there was nothing for me at the bottom of that deep, dark well. And indeed, it was my inner strength that enabled me to climb painstakingly up until I finally crawled into the light again.

When I finally emerged again into the land of the living, I had transformed into someone bitter and cynical. No matter how hard my loved ones tried, the loving and caring me had transformed into a hard and angry person. All I wanted to do was to hurt others so that they too would know how hurt I was. Until one day my bestfriend said to me, "Budhsi, I love you dearly. But you have a choice to make. Do you choose to let the person who hurt you change you into someone you don't want to be? Do you like the person you have become? Or do you choose to rise above your pain and learn how to love yourself again?" "Personally," she added, "I don't like the you that you have allowed him to make you become. But it is up to you. Whatever you decide, I will still love you because you are my friend."

I didn't like the person I had allowed myself to be. So I chose to live and yes, love again. It took many months of stumbling and falling and getting up and learning how to walk again, but I know that in the end it was my inner strength that pulled me through. Patience and love from those who continued to care about me despite the dark person I choose to be for almost a whole year (!) undoubtedly fed my inner strength and enabled me to heal.

Each of us has a choice when faced with difficult situations. Cliché as it may sound, time does heal if one chooses to believe that one's inner strength is stronger than anything that life throws at us. "We were born to make manifest, the glory of God within us," says Marianne Williamson in her famous poem, A Return to Love. "And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously allow others to do the same."

My prayer is that all those who are in despair, in pain, for whatever reason, believe that that inner strength will shine through and help guide the way to healing and happiness again. Listen softly, and you will hear it. And yes. You will be okay again. Changed, perhaps. But do not let your pain redefine you into someone you do not want to be. You deserve to be a better you.