there are no accidents

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.

Oogway, in Kungfu Panda

Originally I was going to quote one of the other things that Oogway say's in the movie, namely, "There are no accidents," but decided the above quote was more suitable for this post. My past two trips to Bali have been filled with reflection, something I rarely make time for anymore. It's time for change.

The first trip gave me quiet, sunshine filled mornings in Sanur, allowing me peaceful silences by simply sitting still with the Wisdom of Forgiveness. The second trip put me on a journey to finding someone who for many years chose to sit in the darkness, occasionally peeking out at the world around her, but more often than not allowing herself to live according to the heartbeat of another. I didn't even notice that she was so eager to dance and sing to her own heartsong, that's how lost she was.

My "yesterday" has slowly made its way back into my thoughts, in distinct and soothing ways...several long iChat conversations with Karen - whom I haven't been in touch with in at least half a year, a short but wonderful chat with my nephew Pio in Macau last night that ended with him saying, "Why don't you make one, Tita?" in response to my telling him to make a vision board, followed by a chat with my cousin TinTin who is happy that I am happy, and then this morning a notice from Facebook that Cintli has accepted me as a friend. Little Cintli who is now a stunning college girl. The little girl who used to tell me, "Budhsi, I want to learn how to read!" when she was four years old in Singapore and the one companion who would really let me be me during those life-teaching years. The same little one whose heart I had to break (or was it mine?) when the vision I thought I had for my future abruptly changed. I just want you to know, m'ija...I never left you. All these years, you have lived on in my heart.

I suppose this is what Steve Jobs means about connecting the dots in life. Looking back, I have been blessed with so many life-defining dots that I am now connecting. Colourful threads and beads of life that I am weaving together to be my comfort blanket of the present. It will continue to change and grow, this blanket of mine, but the mystery of what it will turn into is what is also exciting.

So to start with, I am going to do what I often tell others to do. To simply do something different every day. Try something new, do something old that I haven't done in a long time, make a vision board, or a scrapbook page, smile - really smile, with my heart and my eyes - and rejoice in the joy of the present.